What if you weren't sure something you said a year ago has come back to bite you in the butt? But what if you didn't know if it really happened, or if you imagined it, or dreamed it, or it happened when you were confused and didn't know what was real or what was imagined?
In the hospital again. Admitted Monday. It is now Saturday. Kidneys again. Pretty scary and serious this time. They started me on dialysis.
When I was being admitted, settled in my room, I thought I heard people talking out in the hall about me. Telling other people that I had threatened another patient last time I was in the hospital. I kept hearing my name. Melissa Lear something something Melissa Lear something something. I couldn't hear all of it.
I thought I heard the other patient, who is my current roommate, say something like "I'l do what I have to do," and "she won't get to me." And she won't talk to me. I am not up for conversation, but just basic statements."
I had this current roommate as a roommate in hospital stay number one. We were friendly. It was fine. Two sick people, but friendly. Kind.
That was the first visit.
Let me explain that I hate people waiting on me. If I can get up and get my own water, I will. If I can take my own blood sugar readings and control my own diabetes, I will. I don't need someone to butter my bread, spread jelly on my toast, and wipe my butt if I am able to do it. Especially if that someone has a professional degree in Nursing. Not toast buttering. And I could do it.
So, second visit. Roommate this time - an older lady with a German (I think) accent. Made the nurses give her a bedpan because she "didn't want to" get up and use the bathroom. Every meal - "I'm so hungry! I'm so hungry! Where is my breakfast?" Or whichever meal.
Then the jelly and butter spreading, etc
She wanted to be all happy chatty best friends with me. I didn't. I was sick. I wanted to rest. I was dehydrated and it had hurt my kidneys. So I was on IV fluids and mega drinking water.
Fast forward. Discharge day. Mom took my stuff to the car. I was waiting by the window, on my side of the room. She had visitors. She thought I had already left. It went kind of like this:
Her: that one! I didn't like her. Not one bit. Had to do everything herself! "Do it myself! Do it myself! Do it myself!"
Her Visitor: what was she in for?
Her: dehydration. Hrmpph. Didn't look dehydrated to me!
At this point the guy with the wheelchair came in take me downstairs. They were surprised I was there. I lost my temper.
"At least I am not a hurtful lazy mean person. Maybe next time you should make sure the person has actually left before you talk about them."
Why would they file a report or complaint about that? I didn't think it was a big deal.
But then when I came in, my roommate is again number one. I tried to greet her. She didn't respond. Nothing. Why did they tell her not to talk to me. I think I try to be a kind person. I just lost my temper. I didn't threaten anyone.
But who do I ask? Did it even happen? Do I have the right to ask if it happened? 100℅ of numbers one and two happened. I just don't know.
I had a couple of other crazy thoughts, that once my calcium levels were not so toxic, were obviously not real. But this? It could have happened.
So, again, posting without proofreading. I have another busy day. Dialysis, 3 hours. Blah blah blah.